Dear Andrew Bolt: The Jews want you to fuck off. Now.

Dear Andrew,
It’s really lovely that you’re looking out for us Jews and claiming that you’re a better friend to us than Crikey Editor, Bernard Keane, because you dislike Muslims way more than Bernard does.

Jews, however, have undergone the selective evolutionary pressures of a couple thousand years of pogroms, so we’re reasonably wily these days.

And as a wily people, we’re quite able to understand that your spouting Islamophobic shit does not make you our friend. You’ve never been our friend. And you should go fuck yourself at your earliest possible convenience.

Just because you’re ‘fine’ with Israel – and really really ‘fine’ with Jews living there, doesn’t make you our friend either.

Hungarian proto-Nazi, Victor Orban, is ‘fine’ with Jews being in Israel too. Doesn’t mean he’s not a rabid Antisemite.

Just because a handful of subnormally intelligent members of our community think you’re a top guy, doesn’t mean the rest of us Jews don’t know *exactly* what you are.

You’ve been very cross with our community for not Uncle Tomming along with your obsession with destroying 18C.

I mean, one can understand why someone like you might feel that such a law cramps his style. It sucks to lose a court battle after you’ve been taken to task for saying disgusting, racist shit about Indigenous Australians.

I hate to break it to you, you stain on the soul of this nation, but Jews and Indigenous Australians are bound together by affection and history.

This bond between our peoples was forged when William Cooper demonstrated fortitude against the cynics and racists of his time when he fronted at the German consulate to protest Hitler’s treatment of Europe’s Jews.

Whom would you have supported back then, Andrew?

I’ll tell you a wee secret about most Jews: most of us actually *do* give a fuck about things like the truth, decency, and social cohesion. And that’s why we will *always* hold you in the profoundest contempt.

We have no desire to curry favour with hate mongers. You offer absolutely nothing of any value whatsoever – beyond the nasty-arse clickbait that is Rupert’s bread and butter.

You add precisely nothing to the discourse in this country. When it comes to your batshit, anti-science ideas around global warming, you’re not actually presenting a dissenting view. You’re just spreading the climate-science equivalent of anti-vaxx crankery. How embarrassing for you!

Your sort of ‘denialism’ and hate is a cancer that has metastasised and is now degrading the collective knowledge base.  I long for whatever social chemotherapy that would finally put an end to your compulsive, derivative Rupert-fellating.

Finally, I’d *really* like you to come sue me for defamation.

You know why? I want some of your sweet sweet cash… which will be coming my way once we all find out that truth is an absolute defence, and the judge awards me costs and damages in my counterclaim.

Just be careful not to make any nasty inferences about *why* I might want to get my hands on that money. It could prejudice your case.

Lots of love,
A wily Jewess.


  1. David Zyngier on August 7, 2018 at 7:37 am

    Wonderful! I wish I had written that!

  2. Sivan on August 7, 2018 at 9:03 am

    Oh my

  3. Vivienne Porzsolt on August 10, 2018 at 2:23 am

    Yoo Hoo! Exhilarating!

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